Yesterday was Mother's Day. A day of celebration. I have been incredibly blessed to have an amazing mom and mother-in-law in my life that show a true example of what it means to be an amazing mom. I have sisters, sisters-in-law, and friends that challenge me to be a better mother by the example they show me.
Yesterday I had a different mother on my mind. The birth mother of my beautiful children. Throughout the day she kept popping up in my head and I couldn't help but wonder how she was doing. Was she missing the children she gave birth to? I'm sure she was. Was she angry, sad, happy with the life she has? My heart ached for her and I also felt a sense of loss for my boys. This year they are too young to think of their birth mother but I'm sure some day they will wonder the same things I wondered. My heart aches for them. I pray they will have a peace and will be grateful for the woman that gave birth to them and most of all will feel the presence of God in their lives.
Yesterday my sister received a beautiful voicemail from her daughter's birth mother wishing her a happy Mother's Day through tears. My boys and I will never have that gift. I wish they could have that gift. I feel a sense of loss for that. I truly know that God knows our hearts and feels that loss right with me and will feel it with my boys as well.
Wrecked. That is the one word that kept coming to my mind yesterday. I am wrecked of ever having a "normal" Mother's Day. But I'm ok with that. God teaches me things through my wrecked days. Yesterday God gave me a compassion for a woman that I have no connection with except that she gave birth to my boys. I am grateful for that compassion that God has given me because it has replaced the anger I have felt towards her at times. I am grateful for Mother's Day and that I can not only have gratitude for my mother but also for a mother far away that through her loss has given me one my greatest gifts, the ability to be a mother.
