For those of you that don't know my mom I just have to tell you she is one amazing woman. I didn't always appreciate my mom especially during those fun teenage years. But I've grown to appreciate her so much over the past years and since we got the boys I appreciate her even more. If I need to vent during the day I call my mom. If I have a question about the boys I call my mom. If I have a question on cooking I call my mom. If I need a listening ear I call my mom. She watches the boys for me so often. I often feel like our relationship is all me taking and her giving and after my husband she is the one I lean on. I was sick yesterday and today and on days like today I appreciate her even more. She came out to my house and watched the boys so I could rest, nap, bathe, and she left us with a big pot of noodles on the stove. She is amazing. And let me tell you, my boys love my mom just as much as me.
One of the things my mom gave me after we first got the boys was one of her rocking chairs. I had been keeping an eye out for a cheap one but a nice cheap rocking chair is hard to find and money was tight. So my mom brought me one of hers. I have memories of being a child and having my mom rock me. I love those memories and they were memories I wanted to pass on to the foster children we received.
This week has been a rough week with our oldest one. His constant lying, blatant disobedience, and outright attitude towards me made my grace tank pretty empty as the end of the week was coming up. Tonight was no different and I sent him to bed early as the younger two stayed up to watch one more show. After I put him to bed I felt my heart start to soften a little as I left his room.
Break my heart for what breaks Yours!
Back I went to the youngest room and pulled that faithful rocking chair over. "You want me to rock you for awhile?" I asked him and he jumped right over. As I was rocking him and singing to him I felt him melt against me and my heart just melted. I had to think back to being rocked by my mom. I'm sure there was many many times that my mom rocked me and I have no memories of it. How many times had he been rocked before he came into our home? How many times had he been sung to? He can never get enough cuddles and hugs and I have to wonder how many cuddles and hugs he has received. I know it isn't nearly as many as I had by the time I was his age and it breaks my heart to picture him a lonely baby not getting the rocking and cuddling he needed.
Break my heart for what breaks Yours!
As I rocked him I was amazed at how much he has grown in the short year we have had him. He is growing out of the toddler stage into the boy stage and it's harder and harder for me to hold him and rock him. I told him a long time ago that even when he is too big for me to pick up and carry around he will always have my lap to sit in. That has stuck with him and he often brings it up. Tonight I made myself a promise that I will rock him more often and will have more grace than I ever thought I could. God has sure shown me more grace than I deserve and this sweet boy deserves it more than me. I want him to feel the love I felt in my mother's rocking chair.
Break my heart for what breaks Yours!
Thursday, February 27, 2014
Monday, February 3, 2014
Birthdays And Reflections
Tomorrow is my birthday and my mind had to float back to a year ago. One year ago on my birthday my husband took off of work and took me down to Columbus. We were still childless and I didn't have a job and I would cry so so many times willing that phone call to come saying we were getting children. So the trip to Columbus was a much needed break from all that time spent at home by myself waiting. Was it really only a year ago that those feelings were there?
Two days later we received the call. Asking us to take three little boys. We said yes! One day later that terrifyingly exciting day came when three gorgeous curly haired boys came into our home. I will never as long as I live forget the looks on their faces. Our now four year old Simon sitting on the couch taking peeks at us but not making eye contact. We could always tell he was wise beyond his years. Our now three year old Liam was the first to jump down and play and seemed so oblivious to what was going on. He was full of life from the start. Our now two year old Frankie sat there with tears in his eyes or crying the whole time. With chubs beyond compare and a double ear infection I just wanted to squish him and tell him it would all be ok.
How life has changed in the past year. The last few weeks I feel like Satan is really attacking me and I cry out to God every day to stop that attack. My patience with the boys is at an all time low. Frankie is teething and has become the bully to the other two and is not sleeping well. Yes our youngest can beat up the other two. Liam hates doing what he is told and if we tell him no, he has to do it at least one more time. Simon still doesn't trust us and lies and gives attitude like I've never seen. All of this has pushed me to my edge too many times. I snap and I fuss and I go to my room to calm myself and pray and cry and two seconds later the cycle repeats itself. So many days I feel like I live for bedtime so I can breathe. I am constantly exhausted.
I don't say this out of pity and I hope you don't judge me for it but because I know I'm not the only one that feels this way. My thoughts today are this. Don't give up! My devotional this morning was on how patient Satan is. Whenever I think of Satan patience is not a characteristic that comes to mind but he is patient. He sits and waits for the perfect opportunity to drop those thoughts on us. "I can't do this anymore." "I'm a horrible mother!" "My prayers are falling on deaf ears so I might as well stop." I'm here to stand up and say "GET OUT SATAN, there is no room for you here!!!"
I can do this. God will get me through it and He is so much more powerful than Satan. He will give me patience and grace. He will give my sons protection and love. He will get us through this. I claim joy not discouragement. Better days will come and until then I will press on and fight the good fight (and look forward to naptime and bedtime). So if you see me being a grump and ready to kill someone, give me a kick in the butt and tell me to snap out of it.
Tomorrow is my birthday. Once again my amazing husband is taking off of work and taking me to Columbus. This time my mom (who IS wonder woman by the way) will be here with my three boys. I am so looking forward to the break and please snow stay away! But I will also look forward to coming home to the blessings God has poured on me in the shape of three curly haired little boys that are full of life, spunk, and love. I told Simon today that tomorrow is my birthday and daddy was going to take me away for the day. He was so sad because he wanted to spend my birthday with me too. I am blessed to have family that gives me breaks, to have a husband that supports me through everything. I will never forget a few days after we got the boys and I was still in the excited stage and he was beyond overwhelmed. My husband looked at me sadly and said "I don't think I can do this." Now a year later he is the best father I have ever seen. The boys adore him and he adores them and now he doesn't know what he would do without them either. The past year has been good. I can't wait to see what the next year holds.
For we are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places. Ephesians 6:12
But let all who take refuge in you rejoice; let them sing joyful praises forever. Spread your protection over them, that all who love your name may be filled with joy. For you bless the godly, O Lord; you surround them with your shield of love. Psalms 5:11-12
Two days later we received the call. Asking us to take three little boys. We said yes! One day later that terrifyingly exciting day came when three gorgeous curly haired boys came into our home. I will never as long as I live forget the looks on their faces. Our now four year old Simon sitting on the couch taking peeks at us but not making eye contact. We could always tell he was wise beyond his years. Our now three year old Liam was the first to jump down and play and seemed so oblivious to what was going on. He was full of life from the start. Our now two year old Frankie sat there with tears in his eyes or crying the whole time. With chubs beyond compare and a double ear infection I just wanted to squish him and tell him it would all be ok.
How life has changed in the past year. The last few weeks I feel like Satan is really attacking me and I cry out to God every day to stop that attack. My patience with the boys is at an all time low. Frankie is teething and has become the bully to the other two and is not sleeping well. Yes our youngest can beat up the other two. Liam hates doing what he is told and if we tell him no, he has to do it at least one more time. Simon still doesn't trust us and lies and gives attitude like I've never seen. All of this has pushed me to my edge too many times. I snap and I fuss and I go to my room to calm myself and pray and cry and two seconds later the cycle repeats itself. So many days I feel like I live for bedtime so I can breathe. I am constantly exhausted.
I don't say this out of pity and I hope you don't judge me for it but because I know I'm not the only one that feels this way. My thoughts today are this. Don't give up! My devotional this morning was on how patient Satan is. Whenever I think of Satan patience is not a characteristic that comes to mind but he is patient. He sits and waits for the perfect opportunity to drop those thoughts on us. "I can't do this anymore." "I'm a horrible mother!" "My prayers are falling on deaf ears so I might as well stop." I'm here to stand up and say "GET OUT SATAN, there is no room for you here!!!"
I can do this. God will get me through it and He is so much more powerful than Satan. He will give me patience and grace. He will give my sons protection and love. He will get us through this. I claim joy not discouragement. Better days will come and until then I will press on and fight the good fight (and look forward to naptime and bedtime). So if you see me being a grump and ready to kill someone, give me a kick in the butt and tell me to snap out of it.
Tomorrow is my birthday. Once again my amazing husband is taking off of work and taking me to Columbus. This time my mom (who IS wonder woman by the way) will be here with my three boys. I am so looking forward to the break and please snow stay away! But I will also look forward to coming home to the blessings God has poured on me in the shape of three curly haired little boys that are full of life, spunk, and love. I told Simon today that tomorrow is my birthday and daddy was going to take me away for the day. He was so sad because he wanted to spend my birthday with me too. I am blessed to have family that gives me breaks, to have a husband that supports me through everything. I will never forget a few days after we got the boys and I was still in the excited stage and he was beyond overwhelmed. My husband looked at me sadly and said "I don't think I can do this." Now a year later he is the best father I have ever seen. The boys adore him and he adores them and now he doesn't know what he would do without them either. The past year has been good. I can't wait to see what the next year holds.
For we are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places. Ephesians 6:12
But let all who take refuge in you rejoice; let them sing joyful praises forever. Spread your protection over them, that all who love your name may be filled with joy. For you bless the godly, O Lord; you surround them with your shield of love. Psalms 5:11-12
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