Some mornings I have to sit down and look at my life and try to figure out how I can be a better person/mother/wife/friend/sister. So many days I feel like such a failure. I get angry too fast. I am too impatient with those around me. I'm selfish in what I want. How do I change that? I turn to God. This morning I decided to do a double whammy of what I want to be and looked to the Bible.
Whammy#1
Proverbs 31
10 [d] An excellent wife who can find?
She is far more precious than jewels.
11 The heart of her husband trusts in her,
and he will have no lack of gain.
12 She does him good, and not harm,
all the days of her life.
13 She seeks wool and flax,
and works with willing hands.
14 She is like the ships of the merchant;
she brings her food from afar.
15 She rises while it is yet night
and provides food for her household
and portions for her maidens.
16 She considers a field and buys it;
with the fruit of her hands she plants a vineyard.
17 She dresses herself[e] with strength
and makes her arms strong.
18 She perceives that her merchandise is profitable.
Her lamp does not go out at night.
19 She puts her hands to the distaff,
and her hands hold the spindle.
20 She opens her hand to the poor
and reaches out her hands to the needy.
21 She is not afraid of snow for her household,
for all her household are clothed in scarlet.[f]
22 She makes bed coverings for herself;
her clothing is fine linen and purple.
23 Her husband is known in the gates
when he sits among the elders of the land.
24 She makes linen garments and sells them;
she delivers sashes to the merchant.
25 Strength and dignity are her clothing,
and she laughs at the time to come.
26 She opens her mouth with wisdom,
and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.
27 She looks well to the ways of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.
28 Her children rise up and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her:
29 “Many women have done excellently,
but you surpass them all.”
30 Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain,
but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
31 Give her of the fruit of her hands,
and let her works praise her in the gates.
Whammy#2
1 Corinthians 13
If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. 3 If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned,[a] but have not love, I gain nothing.
4 Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant 5 or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful;[b] 6 it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. 7 Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
8 Love never ends. As for prophecies, they will pass away; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away. 9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10 but when the perfect comes, the partial will pass away. 11 When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I gave up childish ways. 12 For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known.
13 So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love.
God I can't do this life without your help. I want to be full of love and show that in every aspect of my life and every step of my walk. I want to do good and not harm. I want to be patient. Help me.
Wednesday, August 21, 2013
Thursday, August 15, 2013
What Not To Say To Foster Parents
This blog is in no way meant to offend. If you have said these things to me don't apologize because I know it was not meant to hurt or offend. This is for future reference with other foster parents and yes even with me. These things may not annoy/hurt all other foster parents but these are a list of what bothers me. I have been thinking of writing this for awhile and have read other blogs on this but couldn't quite get the nerve to do it because I really am not angry at anyone and I really don't want to offend anyone but have decided this can be educational
What Not to Say to a Foster Parent
1. I could never be a foster parent, I would get too attached
First off yes I do get attached. I got attached way before the possibility of adopting our foster children was even mentioned. When this is said it makes me wonder if people are thinking I'm heartless because how else could I possibly take in children that may not be able to stay. And yes you could do it. You have to get over your fear of losing children and think of the children you could help. My heart feels like it is getting ripped out of my chest when I think of these kids leaving and I know I would probably fall into depression if they did leave so for now I won't think on this.
2. Are they your kids?
This is usually said by strangers. First of all look at me, look at my husband, do these kids look like they are our biological children? Umm no. Secondly it's none of your business. And lastly I will say yes if for no other reason but because my oldest is extremely smart and hears everything said and he will not hear "No they aren't ours" out of my mouth. They are MY children. I just don't know for how long
3. Every kid acts like that
Again I'm aware that when you see my child throwing a tantrum and me getting extremely frustrated you can say every kid acts like that but you don't know the background of these children and that doesn't make me feel better. I have taken classes on foster children. There is more behind their bad behavior than your child who is screaming because they didn't get there way. You also don't know what has happened in the past with their behavior and what happens in my home day in and day out. You don't know some of the behavior stems from being moved out of their last home, and the home before that, and the home before that. I am aware that two year olds throw tantrums. I am aware that my two year old will probably some day need counseling because of his past. I am aware that having three young children throwing tantrums can push me to the edge of my sanity and this comment may push me over
4. You get paid to keep them right?
Yes I do get some monthly money for these kids. Does it cover all their expenses? No. Am I making money off of them? No. When I hear stories of people taking foster children for the money I really wonder how they do that because frankly the money is not enough to cover expenses for them. I'm not asking for more, I'm not complaining. Just letting you know I don't make money off of them. Again with this question...it's none of your business.
5. How long do you get to keep them?
Easy answer "I don't know." For my close friends I will go into detail of all the legal steps it takes with our particular children but with most foster children you don't always know. You may have them a month. You may have them for a year and think you will get to adopt them just to have them taken away. You never know. I won't feel secure until a court date making them legally mine happens.
On that note I will close and go pray that no one takes this the wrong way.
What Not to Say to a Foster Parent
1. I could never be a foster parent, I would get too attached
First off yes I do get attached. I got attached way before the possibility of adopting our foster children was even mentioned. When this is said it makes me wonder if people are thinking I'm heartless because how else could I possibly take in children that may not be able to stay. And yes you could do it. You have to get over your fear of losing children and think of the children you could help. My heart feels like it is getting ripped out of my chest when I think of these kids leaving and I know I would probably fall into depression if they did leave so for now I won't think on this.
2. Are they your kids?
This is usually said by strangers. First of all look at me, look at my husband, do these kids look like they are our biological children? Umm no. Secondly it's none of your business. And lastly I will say yes if for no other reason but because my oldest is extremely smart and hears everything said and he will not hear "No they aren't ours" out of my mouth. They are MY children. I just don't know for how long
3. Every kid acts like that
Again I'm aware that when you see my child throwing a tantrum and me getting extremely frustrated you can say every kid acts like that but you don't know the background of these children and that doesn't make me feel better. I have taken classes on foster children. There is more behind their bad behavior than your child who is screaming because they didn't get there way. You also don't know what has happened in the past with their behavior and what happens in my home day in and day out. You don't know some of the behavior stems from being moved out of their last home, and the home before that, and the home before that. I am aware that two year olds throw tantrums. I am aware that my two year old will probably some day need counseling because of his past. I am aware that having three young children throwing tantrums can push me to the edge of my sanity and this comment may push me over
4. You get paid to keep them right?
Yes I do get some monthly money for these kids. Does it cover all their expenses? No. Am I making money off of them? No. When I hear stories of people taking foster children for the money I really wonder how they do that because frankly the money is not enough to cover expenses for them. I'm not asking for more, I'm not complaining. Just letting you know I don't make money off of them. Again with this question...it's none of your business.
5. How long do you get to keep them?
Easy answer "I don't know." For my close friends I will go into detail of all the legal steps it takes with our particular children but with most foster children you don't always know. You may have them a month. You may have them for a year and think you will get to adopt them just to have them taken away. You never know. I won't feel secure until a court date making them legally mine happens.
On that note I will close and go pray that no one takes this the wrong way.
Monday, August 12, 2013
Keeping Perspective
Tonight was one of those nights again. S was especially sassy and talking back. K was constantly telling us no. To top it all off I wasn't feeling good and was trying to get the house somewhat presentable since we just go back from vacation yesterday and have case workers coming in the morning. Bedtime for the boys couldn't come soon enough.
Bedtime went pretty smoothly but about 45 minutes after we put them in K started crying. It wasn't his "I wanna go play cry" it was his "scared/sad cry." I went back and checked on him and he was scared of something invisible on the floor. I got him calmed down and convinced him there was nothing to be scared of and came back to the living room. Somehow husband and I started talking about the first night these littlemonsters blessings came into our lives. We can still picture there scared little faces as they sat on the couch and stared at these strange people they didn't know. Heart breaking to remember.
K was the first one to get down and explore the stash of toys. L sat there with stickers on his chubby little face and big eyes looking around. S was content to sit with the worker and not make eye contact. They were all wearing oversized clothes and looked a little on the grungy side. When it was time for the workers to leave S and L started crying. I won't forget the male worker getting down on S's level and telling him he will be back to visit and he's the man now and needs to help take care of the others. And soon the workers were gone. What do we do now? All of a sudden we have these little people looking up at us and we feel pretty lost as to what to do with them. Husband ran out and got diapers and underwear. Brother-in-law brought us pizza and sippy cups and other things I would not have thought of for little kids. And then we were on our own.
Thinking back on that first night makes my heart ache. It makes the temper tantrums and talking back more understandable. It makes the hitting, kicking, and pinching more bearable. It makes my heart melt all over again. Some days I forget. I forget that our kids are not technically OURS. I forget about their past and that they had one before they were with us. But looking back at the pictures of that night and talking about it brings it all back. They have gone through so much.
After all the talk I go back to check on S not so secretly hoping he's still awake so I can get some snuggling in. He is awake and I can't help but pick him up and squeeze him tight and he squeezes back eagerly taking in the extra attention. He looks up at me and asks what I'm doing with those big brown eyes. "Just checking on you" We have a little talk and he asks questions about things I can't share but it makes me realize he is also remembering back. He is also sad. I get him happy again by telling him if he wakes up and daddy is gone he can crawl in bed with mommy. Not so secretly I again hope that he wakes up early so I can get in some more snuggle time.
In times of frustration and days of stress I need to look back and remember. On days I feel like a failure I need to remember so that I can try harder. Remember so that my heart can soften and my tongue in turn will soften to my little blessings.
Bedtime went pretty smoothly but about 45 minutes after we put them in K started crying. It wasn't his "I wanna go play cry" it was his "scared/sad cry." I went back and checked on him and he was scared of something invisible on the floor. I got him calmed down and convinced him there was nothing to be scared of and came back to the living room. Somehow husband and I started talking about the first night these little
K was the first one to get down and explore the stash of toys. L sat there with stickers on his chubby little face and big eyes looking around. S was content to sit with the worker and not make eye contact. They were all wearing oversized clothes and looked a little on the grungy side. When it was time for the workers to leave S and L started crying. I won't forget the male worker getting down on S's level and telling him he will be back to visit and he's the man now and needs to help take care of the others. And soon the workers were gone. What do we do now? All of a sudden we have these little people looking up at us and we feel pretty lost as to what to do with them. Husband ran out and got diapers and underwear. Brother-in-law brought us pizza and sippy cups and other things I would not have thought of for little kids. And then we were on our own.
Thinking back on that first night makes my heart ache. It makes the temper tantrums and talking back more understandable. It makes the hitting, kicking, and pinching more bearable. It makes my heart melt all over again. Some days I forget. I forget that our kids are not technically OURS. I forget about their past and that they had one before they were with us. But looking back at the pictures of that night and talking about it brings it all back. They have gone through so much.
After all the talk I go back to check on S not so secretly hoping he's still awake so I can get some snuggling in. He is awake and I can't help but pick him up and squeeze him tight and he squeezes back eagerly taking in the extra attention. He looks up at me and asks what I'm doing with those big brown eyes. "Just checking on you" We have a little talk and he asks questions about things I can't share but it makes me realize he is also remembering back. He is also sad. I get him happy again by telling him if he wakes up and daddy is gone he can crawl in bed with mommy. Not so secretly I again hope that he wakes up early so I can get in some more snuggle time.
In times of frustration and days of stress I need to look back and remember. On days I feel like a failure I need to remember so that I can try harder. Remember so that my heart can soften and my tongue in turn will soften to my little blessings.
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