Today is a good day. Our adoption worker and another worker were just here and the process is progressing!! No idea on the exact time frame of anything and it's constantly changing but having a visit to actually talk to someone about it gets me all giddy. Could this actually be reality? Could our first foster placement actually be the children we are adopting? Oh I pray it is so and nothing interferes.
Having relative strangers in our home oohing and aahing over our boys and how happy they are and how well they listen and how healthy they look makes my heart swell with pride. So often I focus on the negative. I'm tired of being scratched, constantly disobeyed, and yelled at and know I have so much to learn about being a parent. But today made me realize what amazing children I have. Let me brag on them a little.
S has improved soooo much. I can't emphasize the soo enough. Gone are the days of slapping me in the face, tearing apart the house, and screaming in rage. Yes, he still gets angry. But it is a more controlled anger. He is happy. He dotes on L with a ferocious love that I adore. I used to be so frustrated with his "all about me" attitude but now him and L share a room and I've noticed how well they play together and how he looks out for him. S is my old soul that I can sit and have conversations with that are ridiculous for a 4 year old. Let me tell you, he is a leader and loves Jesus and if he keeps on the path he is going he will be a world changer.
K is my struggle now. He has become the angry one who hits and scratches and screams. He is struggling. But after the angry stage passes he will sit quietly for a long time and then come sweetly saying "sorry mommy" with such sincerity that it makes me tear up. Sweet remorse makes it all much easier to deal with and I wonder what goes on in that little curly head of his. He is our crazy one that makes people laugh but he loves his alone time. K loves Paw Patrol more than I ever thought would be possible for a child to love a tv show. He is passionate, stubborn, and frustrates me to no end. But I know there is light at the end of this tunnel, I have seen it happen with his big brother. When he reaches the end of this tunnel I know he will have a light that will blind you.
L, what a funny little chubby man. He is the boy that kills me and Raph with his humor. There is something just plain funny about that kid. He is in that sweet transition from baby to boy. He is starting to talk more and more. He also seems to carry the temper that comes with the rest of these boys but thankfully it is usually short lived and followed by cuddles. He loves babies with a passion and is so gentle with them that it melts my heart. His love for books and snuggling make my days a lot sweeter.
Lately I have been struggling again with this ugly infertility. It started with a dream that I was pregnant and the harsh reality of waking up with that dream being so far out of my reach that it hurts. But then I look at my little men and am so proud of them I could burst and know that we are right where God wants us. That brings me joy. I'm beyond excited for my first Christmas as a mommy. Seeing the excitement on their faces as we decorated the tree, made fun little painted handprints, and the awe of the lights is making this the best Christmas season yet.
