It seems that with Thanksgiving coming up the "thankful" lists also come up. Here's my contribution in no particular order.
I'm thankful for
1. a job offered to me by friends when it was most needed
2. a mom that watches the boys with no complaints so I can do this job. (even when it means getting smacked in the face by one of these boys)
3. a husband that is non stop supportive of me even on days when I'm hard to live with, and I know there are a lot of those days.
4. a yearly tradition of an overnight shopping trip with my mom and sisters, tomorrow night woot woot!!
5. a husband that doesn't complain once that I'm going on this trip
6. boys that give me an endless supply of kisses when it's bedtime and snuggle up to sing bedtime songs with me
7. case workers, even when I get frustrated and have to send numerous e-mails, voicemails, and non stop bugging to get things done. I know this is a hard job and the workload is ridiculous and I'm grateful these people have the hearts to do this work.
8. an overly smart son that tells me I have "sad eyes" when things get rough for me. Little does he know his eyes used to be even more sad.
9. a sensitive son that in the aftermath of a rage filled episode full of scratching me, hitting me, and screaming in my face, is quiet for a long time and looks up at me with those big brown eyes and says "sorry I make you cry mommy." Melt my heart into a puddle
10. a chubby little hand that loves to stick his sticky fingers in my mouth for me to "eat him"
11. brothers that, even though they fight, love each other and would defend each other to the end
12. bio parents, even through the frustration of the pain they have caused my kids, they are the reason I have the children in my house and I pray they find peace with God
13. a supportive community and friends, I have lost count of all the things people have done for us....meals, bags full of food, clothes, money, toys, most recently a four wheeler, baby-sitting, stopping in to watch the boys so I can take a bath. 9 months later we are still receiving from our community. We have been blessed beyond compare
14. family, how amazing is it to have family on both sides that we have no worries that they will accept our children with no thought of race, blood line, or actions. Our kids are their family. If only everyone was that blessed
15. a husband that I love even more now than over five years ago when I married him
16. infertility, without it I would not have the family I have today
17. tears, the sweet release of happiness, sadness, and frustration all comes out in tears for me
18. the Bible, how often have verses popped in my head when I most need them?
19. laughter, brought to me by three little goofballs, my giant husband, and so many others
20. and last and most of all my heavenly Father, how I lean on Him
Thursday, November 21, 2013
Wednesday, November 6, 2013
We Cry Abba Father
Romans 8:15 The Spirit you received does not make you slaves, so that you live in fear again; rather, the Spirit you received brought about your adoption to sonship. And by him we cry, Abba Father.
2 Timothy 1:7 For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline.
Isaiah 41:10 So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand
"Fear is not real. The only place that fear can exist is in our thoughts of the future. It is a product of our imagination, causing us to fear things that do not at present and may not ever exist. That is near insanity. Do not misunderstand me, danger is very real, but fear is a choice." Quote from After Earth
The above verses and words keep running through my head. Fear is so real to me this morning. During our fostering annual review some problems came up. I can't go into details but from these problems it looks like we are going to have a meeting. The annual review is how we keep our license. Our license is how we keep our children. My breath is taken away every time I think of this.
I found all of this out late yesterday afternoon and of course I couldn't reach the worker I needed to talk to before she left for the day. Fear overtook me. I had a fun night out with my mom and sisters that distracted me but then when I came home the fear gripped even tighter. I spent a lot of last night close to a panic attack. I could feel the tightness overtaking my chest. If you've never had a panic attack you can't imagine how scary that feels. Hives broke out on my chest and neck and I couldn't stop it. Fear is a gripping emotion. I feel so badly for anyone that has ever lost a child. The fear of losing my children completely terrifies me. Probably because in the eyes of the law they are not yet my children. In my heart they are my flesh and blood.
I tried and tried last night to give this over to God but just couldn't seem to do it. Finally when I was in the bathroom I broke down. "I can't do this! Satan get away! God I need you! I can't do this on my own!" Let me tell you folks, Satan is very real. He had a strong grip on me last night. Through my shaking and teeth chattering and praying and praying and praying a peace overcame me. Satan is real but God is so much more powerful. Don't underestimate the power of either one of them! Satan wants us to have that fear that overtakes us and grips our chest into tightness and causes hives. God wants to take that fear from us and give us peace. We just have to ask and let him. I have prayed for the past month now that God would bring me closer to Him. I want to be closer to Him in every way possible. I am now! I have felt God's power over Satan and am so grateful and humbled by His love for me. If you don't have that in your life please, please turn to Him!
I still don't know what the outcome is going to be of all this. I don't know how serious the whole situation actually is. I do know that last night I went by each child's bed and prayed over them. Do not take your children for granted. I do know that God is in control and He can get me through anything. I pray that He doesn't ask me to give up these children. Not only for my sake and my husband's but for theirs. I can't imagine them being uprooted again and what that would do to them. So I'm asking for prayer. Thank you for all the people that are praying and will pray
2 Timothy 1:7 For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline.
Isaiah 41:10 So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand
"Fear is not real. The only place that fear can exist is in our thoughts of the future. It is a product of our imagination, causing us to fear things that do not at present and may not ever exist. That is near insanity. Do not misunderstand me, danger is very real, but fear is a choice." Quote from After Earth
The above verses and words keep running through my head. Fear is so real to me this morning. During our fostering annual review some problems came up. I can't go into details but from these problems it looks like we are going to have a meeting. The annual review is how we keep our license. Our license is how we keep our children. My breath is taken away every time I think of this.
I found all of this out late yesterday afternoon and of course I couldn't reach the worker I needed to talk to before she left for the day. Fear overtook me. I had a fun night out with my mom and sisters that distracted me but then when I came home the fear gripped even tighter. I spent a lot of last night close to a panic attack. I could feel the tightness overtaking my chest. If you've never had a panic attack you can't imagine how scary that feels. Hives broke out on my chest and neck and I couldn't stop it. Fear is a gripping emotion. I feel so badly for anyone that has ever lost a child. The fear of losing my children completely terrifies me. Probably because in the eyes of the law they are not yet my children. In my heart they are my flesh and blood.
I tried and tried last night to give this over to God but just couldn't seem to do it. Finally when I was in the bathroom I broke down. "I can't do this! Satan get away! God I need you! I can't do this on my own!" Let me tell you folks, Satan is very real. He had a strong grip on me last night. Through my shaking and teeth chattering and praying and praying and praying a peace overcame me. Satan is real but God is so much more powerful. Don't underestimate the power of either one of them! Satan wants us to have that fear that overtakes us and grips our chest into tightness and causes hives. God wants to take that fear from us and give us peace. We just have to ask and let him. I have prayed for the past month now that God would bring me closer to Him. I want to be closer to Him in every way possible. I am now! I have felt God's power over Satan and am so grateful and humbled by His love for me. If you don't have that in your life please, please turn to Him!
I still don't know what the outcome is going to be of all this. I don't know how serious the whole situation actually is. I do know that last night I went by each child's bed and prayed over them. Do not take your children for granted. I do know that God is in control and He can get me through anything. I pray that He doesn't ask me to give up these children. Not only for my sake and my husband's but for theirs. I can't imagine them being uprooted again and what that would do to them. So I'm asking for prayer. Thank you for all the people that are praying and will pray
Monday, November 4, 2013
Monday Morning, Time to Forget Orphan Sunday
So yesterday we had a little church service. It was on a little subject called Orphan Sunday. What is Orphan Sunday? It's a Sunday to promote caring for orphans and to have God's love for orphans echo in our own lives. It's a day that makes some cry, makes some sad, makes some feel bad and then it's over.
What do we feel this morning? Have we forgotten already? Are we back to drinking our Monday morning coffee and starting our Monday morning routine? Are our hearts still aching for the children looking for a family? There's this pesky little page on Facebook that I like called The Forgotten Initiative. Yesterday they showed a child from each state waiting to be adopted. Someone must not have told them that Orphan Sunday ended yesterday because they dared to add another one this morning. There goes my Monday morning routine because now my heart is pulled back into it. It's harder to ignore the problem when you see the faces of the children waiting. When you see a little information about each child. One boy wants a family that will read him bedtimes stories and tuck him in. A lot of children need families that are willing to be patient because of the neglect and abuse they've had in the past. Too. Much. Work?
I've always had a passion for orphans. At a young age I remember knowing that some day I was going to work in an orphanage. I did. At a young age I remember knowing that I was called to foster and adopt. I fostered, working on the adoption. Three kids asleep in their beds are proof of that. God called me, I'm done. I did my part, right? Wrong! God didn't call me to this so I could stop doing His calling after I had three kids in my home. I should never stop. On pinterest I pinned a quote from Jim Gaffigan saying "You want to know what it's like having a fourth child? Imagine you're drowning. Then someone hands you a baby." Funny, but really, that's how I feel. I can't do another child right now. But I can do something.
Last night my husband talked to the college group about passion. One of the definitions of passion is: a strong feeling that causes you to act in a dangerous way. Hmm, passion means action? What actions am I taking? I don't know what my next step is but I know I'm not done. I'm not even done with the journey with the three little kids that are back asleep in their beds. I pray that Lord willing in the next 6 months the journey to them being mine forever will come to an end and we can officially be a family. But that also isn't the end of my journey for the cause of the orphan.
You may be saying "I don't have a passion for orphans." Maybe you don't. But God called us to Defend the cause of the fatherless Isaiah 1:17. That verse doesn't say defend the cause of the fatherless if you have a passion for orphans. It's pretty cut and dry. Defend the cause of the fatherless! What are we doing? Pray, support, give, adopt, foster. Do something.
What do we feel this morning? Have we forgotten already? Are we back to drinking our Monday morning coffee and starting our Monday morning routine? Are our hearts still aching for the children looking for a family? There's this pesky little page on Facebook that I like called The Forgotten Initiative. Yesterday they showed a child from each state waiting to be adopted. Someone must not have told them that Orphan Sunday ended yesterday because they dared to add another one this morning. There goes my Monday morning routine because now my heart is pulled back into it. It's harder to ignore the problem when you see the faces of the children waiting. When you see a little information about each child. One boy wants a family that will read him bedtimes stories and tuck him in. A lot of children need families that are willing to be patient because of the neglect and abuse they've had in the past. Too. Much. Work?
I've always had a passion for orphans. At a young age I remember knowing that some day I was going to work in an orphanage. I did. At a young age I remember knowing that I was called to foster and adopt. I fostered, working on the adoption. Three kids asleep in their beds are proof of that. God called me, I'm done. I did my part, right? Wrong! God didn't call me to this so I could stop doing His calling after I had three kids in my home. I should never stop. On pinterest I pinned a quote from Jim Gaffigan saying "You want to know what it's like having a fourth child? Imagine you're drowning. Then someone hands you a baby." Funny, but really, that's how I feel. I can't do another child right now. But I can do something.
Last night my husband talked to the college group about passion. One of the definitions of passion is: a strong feeling that causes you to act in a dangerous way. Hmm, passion means action? What actions am I taking? I don't know what my next step is but I know I'm not done. I'm not even done with the journey with the three little kids that are back asleep in their beds. I pray that Lord willing in the next 6 months the journey to them being mine forever will come to an end and we can officially be a family. But that also isn't the end of my journey for the cause of the orphan.
You may be saying "I don't have a passion for orphans." Maybe you don't. But God called us to Defend the cause of the fatherless Isaiah 1:17. That verse doesn't say defend the cause of the fatherless if you have a passion for orphans. It's pretty cut and dry. Defend the cause of the fatherless! What are we doing? Pray, support, give, adopt, foster. Do something.
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