Ephesians 6:12 For we are not fighting against flesh and blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in the dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places
I have started a routine. I wake up every morning, do my devotional, say my prayers..."help me to be a better mother, a better wife. Help me have patience today. Take away any hold the past has on my children. Keep my husband safe at work. Help us all to have a good day." There's nothing wrong with that prayer but is that my only prayer?
Yesterday morning I woke up to that routine. Did my devotions, said my prayers, I felt empty afterwards. What was I missing? I clearly felt God speaking to me that I was missing the most important thing. What's the most important part of my life? My husband and kids? Where's God in that list? Punch to the gut. In the midst of trying to be the best mom and wife I could be I forgot to prioritize God at the top of my list. I didn't forget God but I didn't put Him where he belongs. As my #1. Since I stopped helping with the youth group I have let God down. I used to put Him at the center of everything so that I could do my best to do His work and worship Him with my whole life but somewhere along the line I stopped. I was letting Satan's lies in, that my life in this house is more important than God's glory. Ephesians 6:12 was the first verse that popped up after this revelation.
My prayers have changed. I started a new devotional, changed my prayers to include praying for others and most of all praising God. "Lord, help me not to forget!" Let us glorify God and praise Him above all else.
Wednesday, October 23, 2013
Monday, October 21, 2013
Confessions of a Foster Mom
Even though most days I don't feel like a "foster mom" and just feel like a normal mom, some days I'm reminded that my kids may not be mine forever and the future is not clear. Today is one of those days so I will look at my life and laugh at the crazy that it is and list my confessions.
1. My house is dirty 99.9% of the time. That .1% is usually on Friday afternoons and doesn't last long enough for anyone but me and the kids to see.
2. Youngest one uses his curly hair for a napkin. Do I wash out the food in his hair when I find it? No, I pull it out, smell it, and throw it away. Today it was a rather large piece of cheese after lunch.
3. Oldest one broke our toilet, I'm currently too tired to remember what the back part of the toilet is called but that is what is broke so it can't hold water. I attempted having everyone use the downstairs toilet but that was too much work. So everyone uses the broken toilet and we keep a bucket beside it and after about three or four uses of said toilet I fill the bucket with water and wash down the nasty inside. The bathroom now smells like pee....all. the. time. TMI? We are hillbilly.
4. I take a nap usually 6 out of 7 days out of the week. If I don't take a nap I feel like I might die.
5. I'm still tired all the time.
6. Today for lunch the kids had bologna, cheese, and grapes. The thought of that makes me want to vomit. I'm not a healthy mom.
7. The inside of our van looks like it got hit by a tornado. Toys, clothes, and probably French fries are strewn throughout. I'm not a clean mom. Daughter of clean sister told me my van is messy. Yes, yes it is.
8. Foster classes may be my least favorite thing on Earth.
9. My pride is no longer where it used to be. I used to refuse help and try to do it all on my own. Now any help offered is taken with little or no resistance....unless I'm feeling a rare burst of energy.
10. Oldest and youngest one love to be held like babies. Around naptime you can see me carrying my large "babies" to bed and cradling them. My back does not thank me. Did I mention I have large boys?
11. I wonder what husband thinks I do with my days. The house is usually messy, supper is easy food, and toys are everywhere.
12. Naptime has been in effect for about 15 minutes. I have to stop now because if I don't I may miss my nap. That's not pretty.
1. My house is dirty 99.9% of the time. That .1% is usually on Friday afternoons and doesn't last long enough for anyone but me and the kids to see.
2. Youngest one uses his curly hair for a napkin. Do I wash out the food in his hair when I find it? No, I pull it out, smell it, and throw it away. Today it was a rather large piece of cheese after lunch.
3. Oldest one broke our toilet, I'm currently too tired to remember what the back part of the toilet is called but that is what is broke so it can't hold water. I attempted having everyone use the downstairs toilet but that was too much work. So everyone uses the broken toilet and we keep a bucket beside it and after about three or four uses of said toilet I fill the bucket with water and wash down the nasty inside. The bathroom now smells like pee....all. the. time. TMI? We are hillbilly.
4. I take a nap usually 6 out of 7 days out of the week. If I don't take a nap I feel like I might die.
5. I'm still tired all the time.
6. Today for lunch the kids had bologna, cheese, and grapes. The thought of that makes me want to vomit. I'm not a healthy mom.
7. The inside of our van looks like it got hit by a tornado. Toys, clothes, and probably French fries are strewn throughout. I'm not a clean mom. Daughter of clean sister told me my van is messy. Yes, yes it is.
8. Foster classes may be my least favorite thing on Earth.
9. My pride is no longer where it used to be. I used to refuse help and try to do it all on my own. Now any help offered is taken with little or no resistance....unless I'm feeling a rare burst of energy.
10. Oldest and youngest one love to be held like babies. Around naptime you can see me carrying my large "babies" to bed and cradling them. My back does not thank me. Did I mention I have large boys?
11. I wonder what husband thinks I do with my days. The house is usually messy, supper is easy food, and toys are everywhere.
12. Naptime has been in effect for about 15 minutes. I have to stop now because if I don't I may miss my nap. That's not pretty.
Monday, October 7, 2013
The Perfect Woman
What is the perfect woman? The answer is different to different people. Is it the woman who has the career, the family, and the perfect home? The woman who is a size 2 and looks perfect whenever she steps out her front door? Or maybe the mom who's kids are the perfect combination of sweet and sassy and she can laugh off the bratty ornery things they do. And then there's the Martha Stewart who's home is always in perfect condition and always has the best decorations and recipes. Or a combination of all of the above?
I have always dealt with self esteem issues. Never felt quite pretty enough, quite sweet enough, or quite outgoing enough. I have compared myself to other women and tried to change my personality, jean size, and heart. Why? Because I'm not the perfect woman. What kind of society do we live in? I remember when I lived in Jamaica I lost 30 pounds through constant sickness, mono, and parasites. What was the world's response? "You look amazing!" "You are so skinny, you look so good!" How sad. When I was at my most unhealthy state was when I got the most compliments. I'm guilty of doing the same thing. I compliment people on their weight loss never thinking it may not be a healthy weight loss. But that outside look of perfection is closer. I'm no longer those 30 pounds lighter, I don't look perfect enough. Do people judge me?
Over the past months I have had to deal with a new issue of self esteem problems. The issue of being the perfect mother. Man, it is harder than people make it look! I can never seem to get through a day without snapping at one of the boys. I can't seem to keep my house clean, meals made, and do fun activities with the boys consistently. So many days I feel like a failure. I look at other moms who post pictures of their perfect house with kids with smiling faces and healthy meals on top of it. I am a failure. I sent S to bed as early as possible because I couldn't take another lie or another word of attitude spewed in my direction. I couldn't hold my anger anymore and snapped yet again and seem to have done more damage than good. Every morning I wake up and pray that God will help me be patient and loving to my boys and not let them see my frustration. Most days I wait till naptime or bedtime and hang my head in shame that I'm not the mom I want to be. I wonder what others think if they look at me and the way I mother my children. Do they see the failure I am or do I hide it well enough?
Recently a fellow mom text me to vent her frustrations. She's not perfect either. She snapped at her kids. She feels like a failure. Oh how I know the feeling. How many other women out there are aiming for perfection and feel like they aren't reaching it? Whether it is mothering, jean size, or any other issue that comes up. How do we help? Do we look and judge? I know that is why I hide my fears and only show them to my husband. I don't want to be looked down on. Let's stop hiding! Let's use our self esteem issues to grow and help others. God has shown me that I'm not perfect but He created me for HIS workmanship, not for my own fears and pride. Let's encourage one another and not judge. What a lesson to me. I was not put on this Earth to point out others' imperfection to them or to perfect myself. I was put on this Earth to encourage and serve our Lord. After all, there is no perfect woman.
Hebrews 10
19 Therefore, brothers and sisters, since we have confidence to enter the Most Holy Place by the blood of Jesus, 20 by a new and living way opened for us through the curtain, that is, his body, 21 and since we have a great priest over the house of God, 22 let us draw near to God with a sincere heart and with the full assurance that faith brings, having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse us from a guilty conscience and having our bodies washed with pure water. 23 Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful. 24 And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, 25 not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.
I have always dealt with self esteem issues. Never felt quite pretty enough, quite sweet enough, or quite outgoing enough. I have compared myself to other women and tried to change my personality, jean size, and heart. Why? Because I'm not the perfect woman. What kind of society do we live in? I remember when I lived in Jamaica I lost 30 pounds through constant sickness, mono, and parasites. What was the world's response? "You look amazing!" "You are so skinny, you look so good!" How sad. When I was at my most unhealthy state was when I got the most compliments. I'm guilty of doing the same thing. I compliment people on their weight loss never thinking it may not be a healthy weight loss. But that outside look of perfection is closer. I'm no longer those 30 pounds lighter, I don't look perfect enough. Do people judge me?
Over the past months I have had to deal with a new issue of self esteem problems. The issue of being the perfect mother. Man, it is harder than people make it look! I can never seem to get through a day without snapping at one of the boys. I can't seem to keep my house clean, meals made, and do fun activities with the boys consistently. So many days I feel like a failure. I look at other moms who post pictures of their perfect house with kids with smiling faces and healthy meals on top of it. I am a failure. I sent S to bed as early as possible because I couldn't take another lie or another word of attitude spewed in my direction. I couldn't hold my anger anymore and snapped yet again and seem to have done more damage than good. Every morning I wake up and pray that God will help me be patient and loving to my boys and not let them see my frustration. Most days I wait till naptime or bedtime and hang my head in shame that I'm not the mom I want to be. I wonder what others think if they look at me and the way I mother my children. Do they see the failure I am or do I hide it well enough?
Recently a fellow mom text me to vent her frustrations. She's not perfect either. She snapped at her kids. She feels like a failure. Oh how I know the feeling. How many other women out there are aiming for perfection and feel like they aren't reaching it? Whether it is mothering, jean size, or any other issue that comes up. How do we help? Do we look and judge? I know that is why I hide my fears and only show them to my husband. I don't want to be looked down on. Let's stop hiding! Let's use our self esteem issues to grow and help others. God has shown me that I'm not perfect but He created me for HIS workmanship, not for my own fears and pride. Let's encourage one another and not judge. What a lesson to me. I was not put on this Earth to point out others' imperfection to them or to perfect myself. I was put on this Earth to encourage and serve our Lord. After all, there is no perfect woman.
Hebrews 10
19 Therefore, brothers and sisters, since we have confidence to enter the Most Holy Place by the blood of Jesus, 20 by a new and living way opened for us through the curtain, that is, his body, 21 and since we have a great priest over the house of God, 22 let us draw near to God with a sincere heart and with the full assurance that faith brings, having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse us from a guilty conscience and having our bodies washed with pure water. 23 Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful. 24 And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, 25 not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.
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