The "I" Word

A while ago I wrote a blog on what not to say to foster parents. Well this blog is an equally cautious post of mine on the "I" word...infertility. That ugly word that people don't ever want to say and avoid at all costs. That word that if it is part of your life will stay there forever but you can't talk to too many people about it because it makes so many people uncomfortable. The word that will make people always feel sorry for you even if you don't want the pity. However the people that do want to talk about it are usually people you aren't that close to and they ask the questions you don't want to answer.

Questions Not to Ask or Statements Not to Make:
1. Why can't you have kids?
    First off I really don't think you will understand the medical terminology behind it and it's more
    complicated and detailed than I think you really want to hear. So I will just answer with..."for
    several reasons and it's complicated."
2. Is it because of you or him?
    Another question that basically is none of your business and I will leave it at that.
3. That's my worst fear.
    Thank you, I'm glad that I'm living your nightmare and that you are thinking of yourself through
     my pain.
4. Wait till you adopt, then it will happen.
   As often as you hear about this happening it really is not that common and I don't go into adoption
    with that being my goal.
5. I can't imagine not being able to carry my own child
    Again, how sensitive of you to add this thought to my life...I hadn't thought of that.

Along with the annoyances listed above I've had several blessings along this path of life called infertility. I have the most beautiful children in the world that I could possibly imagine living in my home. I'm sorry but I can't even imagine an image of what our biological children could have looked like measuring up to the beauty of my kids. (Pride now being taken into check) Another amazing blessing has been that friends have been able to come to me with their struggles of trying to get pregnant and I can feel their fears and give them what little words of wisdom I have and can be a person for them to confide in. I rejoice with them when those prayed for children come along and I can pray for them when they don't want anyone else to know the pain of what is going on. What a blessing God has given me.

I am delighted with the life God has given me and I would love to talk to any women who are struggling with infertility or just simply haven't been able to get pregnant and don't know what the next step is. Why are we not educated on this? Please, please, stop asking those wives who have been married a year or two when they are going to have a baby. If it's been awhile since they've been married they may be trying to get pregnant and don't want to share that with anyone and that question just brings up the pain of waiting.  I know I didn't want to share this with too many people.

It is still painful at times. For example my husband and I were recently watching a movie where one of the main characters was unable to be pregnant and another one had a miscarriage. All of a sudden those raw emotions came back to me. Emotions that I thought were long gone came out in sobs and anguish. But most days I don't think about it and I'm not sad I don't have that biological child because the children I have are where they are meant to be. With me and my husband, their parents. So don't feel sorry for me. Praise God for his blessings!!

And I will finish this again with this, if you have said these things to me please don't apologize because I'm not upset or angry, just trying to put my thoughts out there.