Choices

I have decided this blog is good for me so that I can gain perspective on me and how to improve myself daily, ugly truths may come out.

This morning I was talking to S about choices. He woke up in a foul mood and 10 minutes into the morning I heard "Mommy, me done talking to you." Yes, my three year old again sounds like a teenager. His brothers wake up and he promptly yells at them and steals toys away from them. After putting him on the couch for a time out I sit down beside him and ask him why he's being so mean and grumpy. He answers that he doesn't know. So I explained to him that when we wake up grumpy we have to decide if we're going to change our attitude and be nice to people or if we're going to stay grumpy and be mean in which case he will be in time out most of the day.

As I was walking around cleaning up a million thoughts went through my brain. Do I make the right choices? So many times I don't. I choose to be angry and punish instead of being patient and looking for the core of the behavior. Yesterday I was so guilty of that. It was a day of a sick one year old with a 103 temp, potty training a two year old, and a three year old that would lie and connive all day. How did I respond? I chose to be angry and frustrated most of the day. I chose to yell at S when I was so tired of the lying that I didn't know what to do. I chose to let my bad day become worse because I had a bad attitude. Is this where S gets it? Does he watch me in my frustration and copy that?

Today I have to make that choice again if I'm going to let those frustrations take over my day today as well or am I going to learn from my bad decisions yesterday? Instead of looking at S and remembering the lying and the back talking I can remember the way he cared for L. I was sitting holding L on my lap almost sweating from his poor little hot body laying against me. S came up and asked if L was going to be ok and lays his head on my shoulder and strokes L's back humming "Be Still" to try and soothe him. I will remember the victory of K going an entire day of potty training with no accidents. And I will remember L starting to feel better and squealing "Daddy" with excitement as Raph walks through the door. I will remember S talking about his past at the dinner table. A past not with us. Is that the core of the behavior? I'm sure that plays a large part in it and his little confused brain.

I have a good life, I have a fulfilled life, I have to choose to remember that and make better choices with my attitude. Maybe then S will follow. With God's help and right choices I can be better. I will be better.