What Not To Say To Foster Parents

This blog is in no way meant to offend. If you have said these things to me don't apologize because I know it was not meant to hurt or offend. This is for future reference with other foster parents and yes even with me. These things may not annoy/hurt all other foster parents but these are a list of what bothers me. I have been thinking of writing this for awhile and have read other blogs on this but couldn't quite get the nerve to do it because I really am not angry at anyone and I really don't want to offend anyone but have decided this can be educational

What Not to Say to a Foster Parent

1. I could never be a foster parent, I would get too attached
First off yes I do get attached. I got attached way before the possibility of adopting our foster children was even mentioned. When this is said it makes me wonder if people are thinking I'm heartless because how else could I possibly take in children that may not be able to stay. And yes you could do it. You have to get over your fear of losing children and think of the children you could help. My heart feels like it is getting ripped out of my chest when I think of these kids leaving and I know I would probably fall into depression if they did leave so for now I won't think on this.

2. Are they your kids?
This is usually said by strangers. First of all look at me, look at my husband, do these kids look like they are our biological children? Umm no. Secondly it's none of your business. And lastly I will say yes if for no other reason but because my oldest is extremely smart and hears everything said and he will not hear "No they aren't ours" out of my mouth. They are MY children. I just don't know for how long

3. Every kid acts like that
Again I'm aware that when you see my child throwing a tantrum and me getting extremely frustrated you can say every kid acts like that but you don't know the background of these children and that doesn't make me feel better. I have taken classes on foster children. There is more behind their bad behavior than your child who is screaming because they didn't get there way. You also don't know what has happened in the past with their behavior and what happens in my home day in and day out. You don't know some of the behavior stems from being moved out of their last home, and the home before that, and the home before that. I am aware that two year olds throw tantrums. I am aware that my two year old will probably some day need counseling because of his past. I am aware that having three young children throwing tantrums can push me to the edge of my sanity and this comment may push me over

4. You get paid to keep them right?
Yes I do get some monthly money for these kids. Does it cover all their expenses? No. Am I making money off of them? No. When I hear stories of people taking foster children for the money I really wonder how they do that because frankly the money is not enough to cover expenses for them. I'm not asking for more, I'm not complaining. Just letting you know I don't make money off of them. Again with this question...it's none of your business.

5. How long do you get to keep them?
Easy answer "I don't know." For my close friends I will go into detail of all the legal steps it takes with our particular children but with most foster children you don't always know. You may have them a month. You may have them for a year and think you will get to adopt them just to have them taken away. You never know. I won't feel secure until a court date making them legally mine happens.

On that note I will close and go pray that no one takes this the wrong way.