I have always dealt with self esteem issues. Never felt quite pretty enough, quite sweet enough, or quite outgoing enough. I have compared myself to other women and tried to change my personality, jean size, and heart. Why? Because I'm not the perfect woman. What kind of society do we live in? I remember when I lived in Jamaica I lost 30 pounds through constant sickness, mono, and parasites. What was the world's response? "You look amazing!" "You are so skinny, you look so good!" How sad. When I was at my most unhealthy state was when I got the most compliments. I'm guilty of doing the same thing. I compliment people on their weight loss never thinking it may not be a healthy weight loss. But that outside look of perfection is closer. I'm no longer those 30 pounds lighter, I don't look perfect enough. Do people judge me?
Over the past months I have had to deal with a new issue of self esteem problems. The issue of being the perfect mother. Man, it is harder than people make it look! I can never seem to get through a day without snapping at one of the boys. I can't seem to keep my house clean, meals made, and do fun activities with the boys consistently. So many days I feel like a failure. I look at other moms who post pictures of their perfect house with kids with smiling faces and healthy meals on top of it. I am a failure. I sent S to bed as early as possible because I couldn't take another lie or another word of attitude spewed in my direction. I couldn't hold my anger anymore and snapped yet again and seem to have done more damage than good. Every morning I wake up and pray that God will help me be patient and loving to my boys and not let them see my frustration. Most days I wait till naptime or bedtime and hang my head in shame that I'm not the mom I want to be. I wonder what others think if they look at me and the way I mother my children. Do they see the failure I am or do I hide it well enough?
Recently a fellow mom text me to vent her frustrations. She's not perfect either. She snapped at her kids. She feels like a failure. Oh how I know the feeling. How many other women out there are aiming for perfection and feel like they aren't reaching it? Whether it is mothering, jean size, or any other issue that comes up. How do we help? Do we look and judge? I know that is why I hide my fears and only show them to my husband. I don't want to be looked down on. Let's stop hiding! Let's use our self esteem issues to grow and help others. God has shown me that I'm not perfect but He created me for HIS workmanship, not for my own fears and pride. Let's encourage one another and not judge. What a lesson to me. I was not put on this Earth to point out others' imperfection to them or to perfect myself. I was put on this Earth to encourage and serve our Lord. After all, there is no perfect woman.
Hebrews 10
19 Therefore, brothers and sisters, since we have confidence to enter the Most Holy Place by the blood of Jesus, 20 by a new and living way opened for us through the curtain, that is, his body, 21 and since we have a great priest over the house of God, 22 let us draw near to God with a sincere heart and with the full assurance that faith brings, having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse us from a guilty conscience and having our bodies washed with pure water. 23 Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful. 24 And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, 25 not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.
No comments:
Post a Comment